No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
