Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
