So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
