....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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