Ambien. No doubt about it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
