just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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