is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
