i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
