this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
