you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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