Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
