she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
