dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
