Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
