I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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