Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
