I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
