Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
