I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
