I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
