East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Pooping to opera.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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