they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
