I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
