I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
