He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the condom got lost in my hair
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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