you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like a drive thru vagina
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
