pop tarts are not kleenex
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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