Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
