apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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