i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
