he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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