Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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