you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
