Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
