I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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