..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
