I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
two words: eviction party
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
