we have officially lost it.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
