Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
