Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
