i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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