i permit you to call me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
