I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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