Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
