the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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