Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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