I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
