i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
