Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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