just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
