No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
