The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
