fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
