eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He did a backflip because drugs
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