I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
